Thinking about how so many people (most I no longer talk to, some I barely do) honestly think we were ever really friends, yet they probably wouldn’t be able to name any of my siblings, my favorite color, my favorite movie, my favorite song, my favorite songwriter, my favorite artist, my favorite animal, my favorite food (cuisine and/or dish), etc.

And yet they still think they know me and what my beliefs/principles/values are. No. Absolutely not. They only know me when they’re trying to spiritually bypass over what I believe with what they believe. They only know me when its convenient for them to have me available to assist with their needs — physically, mentally and emotionally. But the second I need any of those things in return, where are these people? When I say my disability is making it harder for me to do things like physically travel, where are these people who claimed to care about me as a friend? Nowhere to be found. Or too busy, or someone else takes priority, or whatever other excuse. Get the eff out of here acting like you know and care about me. You don’t.

The worst part is these same people (cowards, honestly) won’t ever apologize for how they’ve ever abandoned and mistreated me — mentally, emotionally, and psychologically with their presupposed assumptions and unintended ableism (and favoritism). I wonder if these people even know what my disabilities actually are. It’s not like they’ve ever bothered to really get to know me…

As much as I dislike the phrase, “If I cut you off, chances are you handed me the scissors,” it does seem applicable in some situations with certain people I’ve known throughout my life.

Also, anyone reading this may want to do some serious self reflection on how they treat (or ignore caring for) people – I may very well be talking about someone you know.

All I’ve seen from pro-lifers this weekend is a serious lack of empathy and compassion towards those who are now experiencing shock and trauma in the face of Roe v Wade being overturned. How is that Christlike? How is that kind and compassionate? To sit there and act like you’re happy while completely disregarding those who are horrified at what this decision could mean for them, and their futures is appalling. Your serious lack of actually being trauma informed is appalling and your lack of empathy for those who have now had previous traumas triggered by this decision is atrocious. You are literally celebrating while millions of people have spent almost the entire weekend sobbing, throwing up, and terrified of a future without Roe v Wade and everything it protected. My family has a history of aneurysms. I get migraines a lot and the constant fear that I’m going to die of an aneurysm the next time I get a migraine is exhausting. The ONLY thing that has ever helped my migraines go away entirely is birth control. Yet pro-lifers seem to think the only reason an unmarried single woman would ever take birth control is to go out and have sex with whomever whenever she wants. And that is so far removed from many people’s realities. It certainly isn’t mine. Even if they do want to do that, why is it any of your goddamn business? It isn’t your life. Stop controlling people through a belief system that other people may not believe in. I am terrified that I will not be able to get back on birth control when I get health insurance again now, since I certainly can’t afford it out of pocket at the moment. Beyond just the migraines, I live in chronic pain every month when my period comes around. I can’t function with the pain – I’ve literally had way more moments of screaming and crying and being unable to move, scared to eat a single thing, than I can count in a single month because of the severity of the cramps. I’ve lost jobs, friends, and many other opportunities over it already. I am terrified, as are many others in similar situations, and you pro-lifers are cheering and celebrating. You are cheering, celebrating, and completely dismissing peoples very real and valid fears. This is not and never will be okay.

If you are pro-life, get the fuck out of my life. You don’t care about the people you are traumatizing with your bullshit about how this is a good thing. It’s not a good thing. IT IS NOT A GOOD THING. I don’t care how close we are or not, this isn’t up for debate. MY TRAUMA ISN’T UP FOR DEBATE. Pro-lifers are showing that they lack a significant amount of empathy with their online posts this weekend, and my PTSD is fucking DONE. This is too goddamn fucking far. It’s too fucking personal for me to be able to engage in any sort of debate with you in the slightest regarding this. What’s most disappointing, is this didn’t start here. It started with you assuming places like Planned Parenthood and other womans clinics offered nothing but abortions and calling them abortion mills. You ignore rape victims, like myself, who almost went there when they had no other option to get care after their assault. I didn’t go because I didn’t want to be confronted by evangelical Christians assuming I’d go there for other reasons. I was never pregnant but wanted checked out for any possible STD’s. Yet I was more scared of you than my assailant, and didn’t go. You know how fucked up it is that I’m more scared of WEC’s than a man who sexually assaulted me? That medical trauma is on you. I would personally never have an abortion if I got pregnant, but that’s the assumption y’all make when anyone is pro-choice or visits any womans clinic that performs them. You pro-lifers seem way too eager to confront people at abortion clinics with your assumptions and cheer and celebrate when the person changes their mind about abortion because you ‘convinced them’ not to have one. Did you really convince them though? Because from where I’m sitting, it looks a hell of a lot more like manipulative coercion, not persuasion. After living through an abusive relationship, to me, everything you do looks more like manipulative coercion than persuasion. You pro-lifers seem to ignore the people like one of my family members who has had multiple miscarriages when they tell you the treatment is an abortion. I’ve worked in medical coding and billing – too many ICD-10 and CPT codes for miscarriages and whatnot call it an abortion in some form or fashion. Debunking that meme going around right now that you dislike isn’t the win you seem to think it is. Debunking peoples lived experiences, and debunking peoples lived traumas isn’t the fucking win you want it to be. And one trauma response is anger along with impulsivity, so I’d advise you to stop playing with that fire. You pro-lifers have shown with your actions this weekend that you ignore people in severe emotional pain and turmoil and cause further mental harm by implying it was their own fault. That is emotional abuse. You are causing further trauma by calling people uneducated about their own lived experiences. That is gaslighting. Doesn’t matter if you do this directly or indirectly; actions speak louder than words. Also, the silence from some of you is deafening. You’re not off the hook. The pro-lifers most assuredly don’t appear to care about people in the slightest – you only appear to care about babies. You only seem to care about babies being born, but not the reality of what happens after and promoting adoption/foster care as an alternative shows how easy it is for you self-proclaimed pro-lifers to redirect from the actual problem of helping people dealing with significant traumas that affect peoples lives every day. GET THE FUCK OUT.

Also, I’m deleting and blocking any pro-lifers who comment on this post, whether that’s here on FB or elsewhere. Pretty certain I deleted the ones I could find verifiable proof of prolife status. You are not welcome here. At all. My mental health is far more precious to me than any bullshit you might try to shove down my throat. I worked hard as hell after everything I’ve been through to protect it and you will not destroy it. I’ve also moved passed the crying and sobbing, straight to anger as a trauma response, so tread carefully. I’d advise you to just remove yourself instead of trying to ‘persuade’ {coerce} me into seeing things your way. Cause I won’t. Ever.